Don’t Be That Type of Client: Tales from the Tax Trenches

Updated 2025-10-02

My brain when you’re that type of client.

Some people ask for advice... and then ignore it. Some challenge professional work with Google logic. Some think the world revolves around their tax return.

If you just landed here — welcome. And if you're one of these client types... brace yourself. You’re about to get roasted.

🧠 The Spreadsheet Oracle

They come seeking help — usually impressed by the website, the vibe, or the clarity. But once numbers hit the table? Suddenly, they know better.

Despite clear explanations, they start comparing my professionally calculated return with whatever free software they found at 2AM. Then they start questioning everything — as if filing taxes is emotional. As if I sat there thinking, “Hmm… they were rude today. Let’s reduce that deduction for fun.”

Listen — they came for my expertise. And that’s what they got. I am not a slot machine where you could win a jackpot and other times you lose your money. I'm a professional. One who doesn't randomly punish or reward clients based on vibes.

If they want software optimism, they’re free to take their chances — but at that point, they’re just pulling the lever on the CRA Good Vibe slot machine. But don’t come crawling back when that number they were chasing turns into a reassessment. Mistakes can happen, sure — but the odds of my math being wrong? Slim to none. So don't be a Spreadsheet Oracle.

🙄 The Askhole

They come asking for advice — serious, specific, important stuff. And I give it to them. Real advice. Not fluff. Not vague bullshit. The kind of answer most people would get billed for.

And then?

They ignore it. Not just a little — they go and do the exact opposite. Or worse, they disappear, reappear weeks later, and wonder why everything’s on fire.

These are the “hear-no-logic” types. The ones who nod while I explain deductions, eligibility, or why CRA is going to tear their return apart…Then they go file based on a Reddit thread, something their buddy’s cousin’s accountant “mentioned once,” or the back of a cereal box.

I don’t hand out free tax strategy for fun — I do it because it saves people from costly, preventable mistakes. So if they weren’t going to listen, they could’ve saved us both time and asked Bing, their dog, or one of those Facebook “tax hacks” pages run by a guy named Brad who hasn’t filed in five years.

(Apologies if there’s an actual Brad doing this. Or maybe not — stop giving bad advice.)

Ignoring professional advice doesn’t make them clever — it makes them expensive.

So don’t be an Askhole. When a professional answers the question you asked, maybe… actually listen.

🧾 The Credential Karen

This one doesn’t question your math — she questions you.

It starts with skepticism. Fair enough. She doesn’t know me yet. But instead of checking the website or asking direct questions, she launches into a full-blown credential inquisition — and I don’t mean a light interview. I mean torches, scrolls, and holy relics.

“Where did you study?” “How long have you done this?” “Do you have a diploma? A LinkedIn page? Proof of life?”

Lady, this isn’t 13th-century France. I’m not on trial for heresy because I charge less than the tax firm in a downtown glass tower.

I walk her through the process. I explain the pricing model — the same one posted clearly on my site. But no, she’s stuck.

“I have an MBA, and I just don’t understand how your prices are this low.”

Really?

A Master’s in Business Administration — and still can’t grasp that value and cost aren’t the same thing?

Maybe they skipped that course.

But wait, the final blow:

“Do you have a LinkedIn page?”

Everyone has a LinkedIn page — even Brad, the same guy from earlier who hasn’t filed taxes in five years, runs a Facebook “tax hacks” group, and now calls himself a “Fractional CFO” between vape hits in his mom’s basement.

(Apologies to any decent Brads out there. But seriously, stop lying to the world, you're just lying to yourself.)

If she’s trusting profile templates over actual performance, she’s not looking for an expert — she’s looking for a brand logo and a comfort blanket.

So don’t be a Credential Karen.

👑 The Deadline Diva

They strut in like royalty at 11:46 PM on April 30th — crown crooked, receipts crumpled, and attitude set to urgent as hell.

Somehow, they think tax season is just background noise until they decide it matters. Forget the hundreds of people who filed on time — they believe their return should leap to the front of the line because… what? They’re special? Their refund has a crown on it?

They also seem to believe I’ve just been sitting around, sipping coffee and scratching my head, waiting for their majesty to finally arrive. Like I haven’t been running twelve-hour days, filing returns, answering questions, putting out fires, and keeping this beast of a business moving. Nah — in their mind, I’m apparently in full zen mode, burning incense and hoping someone last-minute gives me the honour of saving their butt.

These are the same people who would show up to a wedding uninvited, demand the microphone, and ask why the food isn’t gluten-free. And when I tell them there’s a line, they look stunned — like I’ve just denied royal birthright.

Let me be clear: I don’t give a damn if my clients are a student, a CEO, or the reincarnated soul of some king from the royal crusade — I run a FIFO system: first in, first out.

That means if they want to cut the line, they better bring the Royal Flush of all payment methods — because rush jobs come with rush pricing.

And no, I’m not turning my sleep schedule to dust because they decided to care about their taxes 14 minutes before the deadline. I don’t reward chaos. I reward respect.

So don’t be a Deadline Diva. You want the royal treatment? Show up like a grown adult — not a delusional drama queen with a plastic tiara and a file folder full of lies — at least one week before the deadline.

💸The Catch Me If You Can Client

This one makes my blood boil in a very satisfying, administrative way.

They stroll in warm, polite, responsive. You do the work — meticulous, clean, professional — and then ding: invoice sent.

And poof. Gone. Like a magician who forgot to file his own taxes. They open the invoice (I know — read receipts), stare at it like it’s an enemy code, and then vanish. Three automated reminders. Three polite personal nudges. Still nothing. They’ve disappeared into the Bermuda refund triangle, grinning because they think they just pulled off the greatest heist since someone thought NFTs were forever.

Let’s be blunt: you picked the wrong profession to try that stunt. You picked the wrong person. You picked the wrong Titan.

You gave me everything I need to find you — email, phone, address, and yes, your SIN. You even signed the engagement letter you didn’t read, which says unpaid files may be referred to collections. I’ll send gentle reminders. I’ll be flexible when it’s reasonable. But if you treat my time as charity, I stop being gentle.

Here’s where it gets deliciously righteous: I hand the file to a collection agency. They call. The client promises to pay. They never follow up. The agency keeps calling. And then — classic — the number goes dead. Poof. Disconnected. Funny how that timeline works: promising to pay, radio silence, new voicemail message, disconnected. You don’t get to “I’ll pay” and then pull a Houdini act when the hammer actually falls. That’s not avoidance — that’s cowardice.

And yes — I can see when you got your CRA refund. I watch the status flip. You blew it on whatever nonsense you buy the day payday hits. Awesome for you. Not my problem. At that point it isn’t about the money. It’s about principle. You asked for a service. I delivered. You ghosted. Fine — I’ll escalate, and I’ll enjoy the tiny, satisfying consequence that follows.

Long game? Collection agencies report to credit bureaus. Five years from now, you’ll be asking why banks look at you funny and charge you more interest. You’ll wish you’d paid a hundred bucks instead of playing Houdini. Lesson learned. Too late.

And for those who haven’t watched Catch Me If You Can — spoiler alert: he gets caught. On this one, I’m Tom Hanks.

Count to date: 2.

🕰️ The Time Sucker

So there I am — bored at my desk on a Friday night. Yes, me, bored on a Friday night. Impossible, I know. And yes, I know — it starts with WhatsApp. That’s on me for letting people message me there.

It begins casually enough — a question. And because I’m me, I answer. I’m all about educating people and sharing knowledge about the tax world and accounting. Oh, you didn’t know that? Then shame on you for just discovering it through this post. Actually, I don’t care — your loss.

Anyway, I start typing away, but my fingers are turning into butter from all the texting, so I do the reasonable thing: I call. The question quickly morphs into a full-blown panic about being in an illegal situation.

So I explain how everything works — what the possible consequences are, what the CRA might do, and how to handle it — without committing to one single outcome. Because last time I checked, I’m a tax office, not a law firm. I can explain how the system works; I can’t grant you divine immunity.

And then this Bachibouzouk — yes, that’s the right word. I’m not illiterate. Google it. — decides he wants me to tell him he’s safe. Like I’m some kind of tax therapist handing out emotional support deductions.

I manage to end the call. But it’s not over.

This moron comes back on WhatsApp, rephrasing his question five different ways, trying to corner me into saying, “Yes, you’re safe.” Each time, I give the same answer. Each time, he refuses to accept it. At some point, it stopped being a conversation and turned into a live reenactment of the definition of insanity — doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Spoiler: the result didn’t change.

And that’s on me for entertaining this idiot. He even tried to convince me to meet in person the next day — not to be a client, but just to keep talking so I’d believe he was one. The last time I checked, “IDIOT” was not stamped on my forehead.

Let’s be real: this Quazit — yes, I’m a D&D nerd, get over it — wasted my night because he put himself in a sketchy situation and wanted a professional to bless his decision. That’s not how this works. It’s the same logic as a husband cheating on his wife and then asking his local butcher if he’ll be safe. Bro, wrong professional.

So here’s the deal — if you want a free dopamine hit, go to Quora. If you want a real answer, book a consult. I don’t do emotional reassurance for reckless decisions.

Practical PSA for the Time Suckers of the world:

• WhatsApp is for quick logistics — not therapy.

• If your question gets complex, I’ll stop you mid-sentence and tell you to book time. That’s not arrogance — that’s structure.

• And rephrasing the same desperate question five times doesn’t change the answer. It just turns my Friday night into your unpaid counseling session.

So please — if your life choices are questionable and your first instinct is to text your tax pro about it — don’t. Go ask Brad, the Facebook “tax guru” who lives in his mom’s basement. I’m busy helping clients who actually want results.

Time is my currency. Waste it, and I’ll start charging interest. 💀⏳

💬 Final Thoughts

Wondering if all of this is true?

Of course it is.

You think I’m making this up for entertainment? Nah — these are real people I’ve dealt with. They exist, they walk among us, and yes… some of them even come back the next year like nothing happened.

So if you’re one of them? Get your act together.

Filing taxes doesn’t have to be painful. I guide you, I gather what’s needed, I work my magic — and yes, you’re allowed to ask questions. But if you start challenging me without real knowledge, and your only backup is “Brad said…”, we’ve got a problem.

(And for the record — if there is an actual Brad out there who’s a Chartered pro giving solid advice… please listen to that Brad. He’s cool.)

I’m here to deliver real service, clear answers, and transparent pricing — not fight off Reddit theories and refund delusions.

So come correct. Let’s get your taxes done right. And please… don’t be that client.

Yeah, this whole blog is based on real clients, real stories, and real caffeine. The sass? Amplified with a little help from AI — but every word, every punchline, and every principle came straight from your tax pro. No filters. No templates. Just one human who’s seen too much and decided to turn it into therapy. 💀